When Parents Argue, It's Not Your Fault, But What Can You Do About It?
Growing up can be challenging if you're home environment is charged with people, your parents in particular, who argue a lot. But, there is definitely something you can do about the situation.
When you were little, you might have felt that every time your parents argued, it was your fault. It didn't matter that they weren't talking about you or your siblings, it was still your fault. Many kids from a very young age feel this way. Maybe you still feel this way even though you are older and intellectually know better. Just for the record, none of those arguments you witnessed or listened to were ever about you. IT WAS NEVER ABOUT YOU. It was and still is always about them.
When they disagree about how to handle something you did wrong, then the sinking feeling you have about being the cause of an argument is amplified. When these kinds of arguments happen constantly, you can grow up feeling like you are unlovable, neglected, helpless and unimportant. None of these qualities would be true about you. You might then begin to feel angry, depressed, and powerless so you withdraw in order to create a protective shell about you. Then, when you go into your outside world of school, social events, and other outside activities, you carry those feelings within your protective layer, thereby affecting every other relationship you have.
So, let's backtrack a little to the very beginning of the idea of you. Your parents fall in love, get married and begin plans to have a family. Dad is excited when he learns he's going to be a father. Mom rubs her belly with love and contentment as she feels you kicking and moving about inside her. They start preparations for your arrival like decorating the nursery and all along they can't wait to meet you. Then you arrive; you are born. You are beautiful, perfect, tiny and all theirs. They take you home, and your new life as their daughter or son begins.
Fast forward to when you are about four years old because many of us have distinct memories beginning at that age. You remember watching them having an argument at the dinner table about something having absolutely nothing to do with you. The energy you feel from them is very strong and they are either ignoring you, or they are getting irritated by little things you do. Perhaps they bark at you for not holding your spoon correctly, or they lose their patience because you spilled your glass of milk. When they snap at you, now you feel like they are angry with you and not each other. That makes you feel like you caused them to argue. If you recall them arguing when you were four, then chances are also, they argued when you were a baby, and all along before your conscious memory kicked in. You probably felt sad, uncomfortable, trapped and helpless. You couldn't escape, and you couldn't fix it, while at the same time, you felt like it was your fault; that you triggered something to set them off.
What makes it worse is when the anger is directed at you because of something you did wrong, like getting a bad report card, not doing your chores or being mean to your brother. If you noticed that the way in which they handled your mistakes was over the top with yelling, angry monologuing, or bringing up stuff that had nothing to do with what you did wrong, then you need to know that their emotional tirade was not about you anymore. It was entirely about them. It was about their stuff and how they were raised, the patterns of behavior they were exposed to, the type of discipline they received and the quality of the love they experienced growing up. They, too were once babies, little kids and teenagers.
When we parents have kids, all the "emotional baggage" of our upbringing comes in to play without us realizing it. Parents do want to do it better than their parents. But they may disagree on how to raise, discipline and handle parenting issues because each of them was raised very differently from the other. Some parents experienced traumatic events in their lives that shaped how they viewed and interacted in their relationships and the world at large. One parent might be overprotective, while the other parent is too lenient. One parent may seem to "spoil" the child while the other parent is too strict. Whatever the case may be in your home, again, I repeat-- their "stuff" is their "stuff." It's not yours so don't take it on. To put it the way a parent would, "Don't take what doesn't belong to you." Remember your parents love you very much and probably don't realize how their arguing affects you. And, they definitely don't want you to deal with what they are dealing with. Remember, they wanted to be great parents...doing it even better than their parents. They just momentarily forgot that in the heat of an argument.
So, now what do you do when your parents have an argument? Stay out of it on all levels. Empower yourself with love and compassion. You can leave the room where they are arguing and go to your room. You can't fix them or their problems and it's NOT and I repeat, it's NOT your job to do so anyway. Stay in harmony with yourself and send that White Light of Love, Light and Harmony throughout your house. You can even visualize a peaceful, harmonious house. You can call on God to instantly harmonize your home and environment.
By harmonizing your world with White Light and Divine Love-and doing it with feeling and intention-you have empowered yourself and your environment. You can say it over and over again until you feel better and not burdened by their argument. Call on the Archangels Michael and Gabriel for protection and for creating harmony. Call on Archangel Raphael for healing. Feel this intention and visualize this energy ripple through you and your home. This will benefit everyone and charge your home with the energy of love and harmony. Most importanly, it will have harmonized and charged you with Love and Light. By doing this, you will have made a conscious, empowering choice that had a positive effect. When you take care of your business, your life improves. That will ripple towards others and your environment because that will have been the energy you put out there. On this earth, the more people who are in a harmonious state of love and light, the more of this energy penetrates the discord and darkness of earth and humanity. That's how it works. You see, when you fix yourself, by choosing to live in love and harmony, you've already energetically helped others. It starts with one person at a time; it starts with you.